Rush Limbaugh calls Sandra Fluke a prostitute

Rush Limbaugh once again proves to the slightly more sane of us that he is still a raving idiot.  I'm sure for most of you reading, this is far from a revelation.  But there are times when someone says something so horribly wrong and offensive that they must be called out on it.

It is all the more important to bring this quote under scrutiny as it very clearly states what many of the religious 'right' and their puppets in the GOP have been stating as of late.  If this has been done by someone else, I would probably consider it a great sardonic remark against such idiocy.  But instead it shows that Poe's Law is alive and well. 

In a comment in reference to Sandra Fluke's being refused the chance to speak before a congressional committee on contraception, Rush stated:

"What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke [sic] who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex -- what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute."

When I first read this line, I was unsure of exactly how to react.  I was torn in equal directions of being disgusted, furious, and trying my best not to laugh.

I was disgusted because this is purest form of the current Republican view on women's rights.  It is everything they have been striving for against about half of the human population under the guise of 'morality'.  When the rhetoric is removed, this is what is left.  The view that if any woman dares to want to take control of her own body and what could happen to them if they dare to speak out.  After all, to such individuals they are nothing more than dirty, filthy whores.

I was furious because I know that Rush Limbaugh is not some crazy living in a box somewhere talking about how his underwear is blessed by Jesus (that would be closer to Mitt Romney, now wouldn't it).  He is listened to by many and there will be quite a few who will believe his blatantly offensive and painful inaccurate remark.  And his remark will be used by others to continue to perpetuate the mistreatment and oppression of millions.


I nearly died laughing because the statement and its sentiment are so utterly disconnected from reality.  In my head, I could see Rush hiding under his bed in terror because the evil feminists might come for him in his sleep.


This is the mentality the rational of this country are up against.  It is equal parts vile bigotry and pant staining lunacy.  In a world where the secrets of the universe are being unveiled through massive particle accelerators and we combat diseases through our understanding of evolution, the sentiments such as those espoused by Rush Limbaugh and his ilk should have no place other than the scrawling found on a bathroom wall.  But, unfortunately, this kind of hatred is alive and well.  It threatens all we have and will work for. 


It must be raged against, it must be demonstrated against and it must even be lampooned.  There may always be those who vomit forth such bile as Rush Limbaugh has spewed here, but we can make such individuals so utterly non-relevant that laughter and/or pity become the only appropriate responses.

Mark Driscoll's seven sex essentials from the bible.

A while back, Michael John Scott over at Mad Mike's America shared an article by Mark Driscoll on sex and the bible.  He did so for the sake of how absurd it was, not in support of it.  At one point in the article, Mark includes a list from his and his wife's book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together.  The list was about seven sex essentials from the bible.  Unfortunately it was not about the seven sexiest references in the bible (excluding the Song of Solomon bit).

In the comments I referenced that I hadn't had a chance to properly give a list a proper taunting in quite a while.  So here I am today to rectify that.  Let the snark commence!

1. God created us male and female in His image and likeness with dignity, equality, value, and worth. Men and women are different and complement one another (Genesis 1:27-28).

Male and female in his image?  Mark, you are already not getting off to a good start.  If your idea of females is that they are modeled around the image of males then I doubt you have the requisite expertise to be writing anything on sex.

As for the equality part, I wonder if he has even read the book he is writing about.  Unless being essentially property is his idea of 'equality'.

2. Love is more like a song than a math equation. It requires a sense of poetry and passion to be any good at it, which is why people who are stuck in their heads struggle and are frustrated by it, and lovers prefer songs to syllogisms (Song of Solomon, all of it).

Take that brainy intellectuals!  We know you all suck in bed and cannot possibly have any sense of passion or understanding of how to please your partner!  What do you mean there are actually people who are turned on by intelligence?  They couldn't possibly be Christians and therefore are evil.

Though I cannot really argue with his reference to the Song of Solomon, it is probably one of the few things worth reading in that dust old tome.

3. Marriage is for one man and one woman by God’s design. This is the consistent teaching of the Bible from the table of contents to the appendix and the teaching of Jesus Christ Himself (Genesis 2:24-25, Matthew 19:4).

Translation:  gay people are icky.

The fact that he is supporting his bigotry with a book that involves a guy who lives in the sky who created a naked man and then proceeded to give him everything he could desire and watch over him daily seems to have eluded him.  And don't even get my started about the part where the sky man grabs Adam's 'bone' to create a women from it, bad touch god, bad touch!

4. God created sex. God made our bodies “very good” with “male and female” parts and pleasures. When our first parents consummated their covenant, God was not shocked or horrified, because He created our bodies for sex. The reason that sex is fun, pleasurable, and wonderful is because it is a reflection of the loving goodness of God who created it as a gift for us to steward and enjoy (Genesis 2:24-25).

So what you are saying is that god created sex to be the way it is as the first porn flick?  Well in that case, I think I have a few 'holy visages' to observe myself...

5. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sinful sex includes homosexuality, erotica, bestiality, bisexuality, fornication, friends with benefits, adultery, swinging, prostitution, incest, rape, polygamy, polyandry, sinful lust, pornography, and pedophilia (I Corinthians 6:9-11,18-20, Hebrews 13:4).

So according to Mark, having dirty thoughts about someone you find attractive is one slippery slope ride away from going on a child and animal raping spree.  You know, perhaps we should let these people keep their holy book, it seems to be the only thing keeping them from destroying civilization as we know it.

Or perhaps this is the real rationale as to why the sheep always seem nervous in conservative areas...

6. Sex is to be done in such a way that there is no shame (Genesis 2:25; Proverbs 5:18-23). Many people experience shame in regard to sex. Sometimes shame is a gift from God in response to our sexual sin, sometimes it is the devastating feeling we bear because we have been sexually sinned against, and other times we have not sinned or been sinned against sexually but feel shame because we have wrong thinking and feelings about sex in general, or a sex act in particular.

Shame is god's way of telling you that he is actually kind of vanilla and would rather watch you in the missionary position as he gets his heavenly rocks off.  Either that or it is the affect of some kind of brainwashing done from being raised in a religion that sees sex as evil and dirty, but that couldn't possibly be the case now could it.

7. Your standard of beauty is your spouse. God made one man and one woman. He did not ask them if they wanted someone tall or short, light or heavy, pale or dark skinned, with long or short hair. In short, He did not permit them to develop a standard of beauty. Instead, He gave them each a spouse as a standard of beauty (Genesis 2:23, Proverbs 6:20-35).

Your god given standard of beauty is the person you are married to.  To marry someone you should, ideally, be attracted to them to start dating them and eventually marry them.  To find them attractive you must be married to them.  To...eh...I...*error*...rationality centers overloading due to circular logic...system rebooting.

Is this really some sort of argument to shut up the whinny believers who just couldn't do any better and settled for a spouse they have no desire for?  I'm kind of sad now...

The Copernican lie

I have been living a lie.  I have just realized that I have been indoctrinated by the evil sciences into believing the baseless claim that the Earth rotates about its axis and revolves around the Sun.

But thanks to the Fair Education Foundation, Inc, the truth has been revealed to me.  I now know such seeminly obvious facts such as that the Earth is the center of the universe and at a fixed point just as god intended. 

I now now that stars are not suns light years away but simply fixed points of light in the sky.  I can eschew such evils as 'occult mathematics' and the 'Kabbalist evolutionary mythology'. 

I no longer have to rely on tools of Satan such as the telescope and computer models.  Apparently the website uses a god approved computer though, I'll have to look into where I can find one of these holy relics.

I can see how every lie of science from psychology to evolution to quantum physics to modern cosmology rests upon the the fact-less claims of a heliocentric solar system model.  As soon as this lie is removed, the whole houses of cards collapses around us and we are left with the only truth.  The truth that a magic man in the sky waved his wand and poofed everything into existence because a book written by a bunch of desert nomads written ages ago tells us so.

All this was shown to me thanks to the ramblings of someone who created a website back in 1997 and refuses to update the design of the webpage despite still writing it to this day.  So in between the confused looks and having to wipe away the blood streaming from my eyes I was able to learn god's truth. 

I'm still not entirely sure what these 'obvious facts' are that the author is so certain of.  I know it has something to do with the bible and more crazy then you can shake a straight jacket at.  The author jumps from point to point so quickly that I never had chance to comprehend one set of ramblings before he moves on to the next

I do know that he is in a Ph.D. program for "Advanced International Studies" somewhere.  This apparently gives him the necessary education to see through the lies of science, NASA and the modern education system.  Why he thinks being in a doctorate program is a good thing when he believes that the education system is nothing more than a brainwashing system based upon 'Copernican lies' I have yet to discern.

I do know that he hates NASA.  From the moon landing 'hoax' to the evil instrument that is the Kepler Telescope, he foams at the mouth at the mere mention of any of them.  He goes on quite a bit about how telecopes cannot possible work and that they are nothing more than the tools of satan.

For satan, you see, is the source of science.  At least non-bible based science, whatever this may be.  satan is everywhere and he hates the truth of the bible.  Apparently it is like sun light to vampires to him.  He hisses and runs away cursing you in the way befitting a cartoon villain.

But now with the facts in hand (I think), I can begin to combat scienceless science and openly tout the true bible based science.  I now know that all I have to do is open a bible and just read what it says and stop thinking there.  That if I question further I am being mislead by satan and my soul will burn forever because god loves me.  I hope that my suffering through horrible page design and rambling crazy has enabled me to save your soul and shine the light of the Truth (TM) upon you.

2012 the 'year of the bible'?

The Pennsylvania House of Representatives has decided that it wants to get in on the useless crazy bill train.  I was as shocked as you were that there was still room on said train to begin with.

In a unanimous 193-0 vote, the Pennsylvania House declared 2012 "The Year of the Bible".  No word as of yet as to whether they plan to retire this outdated book of crazy after the year has ended.

In describing House Resolution 535 (pdf), the sponsor of the bill, Representative Rick Saccone (I won't even bother mentioning what party he belongs to) states that:

“As not only Pennsylvania, but the United States, continues to face great tests and challenges, House Resolution 535 serves as a reminder that we must look to our faith in God and the Holy Scripture to provide us with the strength, wisdom and courage to conquer these great trials,”

 His statements mirror the contents of the bill itself which concludes with the line:

“[The] House of Representatives declare 2012 as the ‘Year of the Bible’ in Pennsylvania in recognition of both the formative influence of the Bible on our Commonwealth and nation and our national need to study and apply the teachings of the holy scriptures,”

This non-binding resolution (read: utter waste of taxpayers money) does absolutely nothing other than pander to the religious voters as well as violating the 1st Amendment to the Constitution.

To show how deluded the creators of this bill were, the bill was labeled as "noncontroversial" in its own text.  While it seems the House has agreed on this, it makes one wonder about the kind of understanding they have for Constitutional law if they found this noncontroversial.

The Freedom From Religion Foundation has already responded by stating:

“Our constitution grants sovereignty not to a deity or a ‘holy book,’ but to ‘We, the People.’ There is no reference to God, the bible, the Ten Commandments or Jesus in the U.S. Constitution, just as there are no references to ‘consent of the governed,’ ‘civil liberties’ or ‘democracy’ in the bible...Those who have truly studied the bible realize that it is a moral quagmire, a behavioral grab bag, which has been used to justify automatic rule, tyranny, slavery, the degradation of women and gays, child abuse, war, atrocity and mayhem.”

The FfRF have also provided a downloadable sample letter in .pdf form for any Pennsylvania resident who wishes to contact their Representative and speak out against this idiocy.

So who will be next to introduce or even pass useless bills while on the tax payers dollar?  I cannot be sure, though I can guarantee that it will lower my respect for humanity just a little bit more.

With thanks to The Raw Story and The Friendly Atheist.

Keep fetuses our of our food!

Senator Ralph Shortey has introduced a bill in my state of Oklahoma that moves to bad the use of aborted human fetuses in food.  Apparently he thinks the film Soylant Green was a documentary.

Bill SB 1418 states that:

"No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients."

So where did Sen. Shortey hear about this frightening occurrence?  The anti-abortion group known as the "Children of God".  Back in March of 2010 they called out a for a public boycott of biotech firms that used embryonic stem cells to test their artificial food preservatives.  A claim that has left everyone just a little bit confused.

The claims of the religous group were backed up by the Senators own internet research.  Where he found such information, one can only speculate.  Though he does admit that he has never heard of any instance of this actually occurring, but wants to be sure that it never does.

So yes, the Senator wants to waste tax dollars to protect the public from something that sounds like the drug addled rantings of a conspiracy theorist.

And in case you couldn't figure it out by now, yes, he is a Republican.

With thanks to the LA Times and the Republic of Gilead.

Deepak Chopra thinks physicists stole quantum from him.

Deepak Chopra is a name that gets exasperated sighs from the scientifically literate whenever it is heard.  He is one of the most profitable names in the world of newage (rhymes with sewage) and his ability to misuse words is legendary.  His personal favorite is the word 'quantum', much to the chagrin of actual physicists.  To quote Inigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

He relies on the fact that most people are utterly baffled by the world of quantum mechanics to sell his particular brand of snake oil.  He understands that your average person knows that quantum is a word used by scientists and nothing more.  As such he knows that if he throws it and other equally exotic sounding words around, he can convince the credulous of anything.

Recently, in a short interview by Richard Dawkins for his recent documentary "Enemies of Reason", Deepak Chopra took his hijacking of the scientific terminology to an even greater depth of depravity.  During a segment (which can be viewed here), Chopra claimed that:

"the aficionados in the world of quantum physics have somehow hijacked the word for their own use"

This is a rather amazing feat by physicists considering that the word first entered the scientific literature in 1841, 105 years before Chopra's birth.  Apparently quantum theorists have mastered time travel in their spare time.

The word quantum was first used by Julius von Mayer in a letter on the formulation of the first law of thermodynamics.  The word comes from the Latin "quantus" for "how much".  It is generally used as a short hand way of writing a 'quantum of energy', meaning a single unit of energy.  A good example being how a photon is a single quantum of the electromagnetic force.

The term quantum has since gone on to refer to the area of physics that involves the very small.  It is renowned as being an area of science that is both counter intuitive and hard to grasp.  This was summed up perfectly by Richard Feynman when he stated "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics".

This quote, along with the myriad bizarre concepts of the quantum realm have fed an ever growing number of charlatans who profit off the ignorance of the general public when it comes to the various fields of advance science.  They know that such words as quantum lend an air of respectability to their otherwise meaningless ramblings.  In doing so, they further mislead the public away from the discoveries of science, not to mention out of their hard earned cash.

Despite sounding authentic and wise to laymen, Deepak Chopra and his ilk earn nothing but ire and perpetual face palms from the scientific community.  His stance on 'quantum' can be summed up by this clip from the ever poignant "Futurama", enjoy.

How sexism hurts skeptical inquiry, and everything else for that matter.

Just the other day, there was an event over on the r/atheism section of the site Reddit that has just been brought to my attention.  It seems that a 15 year old girl posted an image of herself holding the book The Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan that her highly religious mother gave her for the holidays.  She had posted it in hopes of an open discussion on the matter of her atheism in a religious family as well as her excitement over receiving such a wonderful and thoughtful gift from a parent that has often disapproved of her daughter's lack of belief.

Instead, she was met with levels of misogyny and sexualized comments that are beyond reprehensible.  Many of these comments were up-rated in excessively large numbers, showing that it was more than just a few idiots vomiting up their own brand of moronic bile.  At the girl's original post, comments of such a horrid nature can be found that I am loath to even repost them.  But I know that I must for the sake of pointing out the scale of the event as I know there will be people who would rather downplay such occurrences as trivial.

Comments such as “Well 15 is legal in many places, including my country, so I’ll only have to deal with abduction charges.” “Relax your anus, it hurts less that way.” “Blood is mother nature’s lubricant.” “Tears, natures lubricant.” “BITE THE PILLOW, IM GOIN’ IN DRY!” were posted.  Not only this, but as I said, they received far more up votes then down votes instead of being pointed out as vile comments they obviously are.  How many you may ask?  The second one on that list received, as of the writing of Rebecca Watson's original article on the event, 1715 up votes and only 648 down votes.  This makes it plainly obvious that they are being viewed by far to many as normal or even funny, instead of as the acts of horrible and hurtful people.

While not everyone who posted responded with such vile comments, the very fact that any occurred should be a source of shame for any decent person.  This is doubly so when it comes from a community that claims to pride itself in rationality and equality.  This is not to say that such traits are not held in high esteem by the skeptical community, but that there is much work that still remains to be done, otherwise this would never have transpired

Such behavior should be vociferously deplored the moment it creeps up.  There should be such a stigma against any such disgusting and clearly idiotic behavior that anyone who holds or exposes such beliefs should be afraid to mention them, or is forced to reevaluate them.  No one should ever have to fear speaking up on the internet because of how they will be treated by clearly damaged people.

Some will claim that to treat such commenters as the backwards and harmful individuals that they are is a violation of their right to free speech.  The fact that such things can be thought without having a melt-down of their irony meters shows a severely deranged and self-entitled mode of thinking.  It is to say that such commenters right to free speech is more important than the free speech of those they are attacking.

And yes, this is an attack and it should not be assumed to be anything less.  It is not playful trolling or harmless joking.  It is stating that someone else is so much less then you as to be unworthy of even the most basic of levels of human dignity and respect.

Not only have they harmed this girl who was only trying to show her own love of rational thinking and a great book, but they have also made what should be a rational and accepting community into the kind of place that has no place for those silly women-folk with their absurd illusion of having worth as something other than an object for a man to use.

Thankfully, many atheist writers have taken a stand against this behavior.  I was introduced to this account by the ever wonderful Greta Christina who goes on to link others who have also written in protest of this occurrence.  Many others have read about these accounts and have taken it upon themselves to speak out against this behavior as well as give their support to this girl on her original post.  I hope that many of those reading will follow the link and offer your own support.

Some may hope that if we ignore such fools they will simply shut up and go away.  I cannot fathom why anyone would think this, especially amongst a community that often does what it can to speak out against the crimes of others in religious and political arenas.

It displays and underlying misogyny that cannot be ignored.  For to do so will only serve to alienate half the human population.  Non-believers (and believers alike) of all forms must stand in unison to put this to a stop.  We should be above this and those that truly are must speak up.  Otherwise the voice of the misogynistic morons will be the only voice budding young female skeptics will hear and be turned away from what, I for one, see as one of the most fulfilling realizations possible.  That the universe can be understood on its own merits and is all the more beautiful for it.  If we do not stand up, then we are only quietly condoning such behavior.  We should be showing such individuals our passion for a rational understanding for the world and nurture their own love for it as well, not letting them suffer at the hands of others.  To do anything less is to deny such individuals humanity and lose a part of ours in the process.

She can dance if she wants to...

I found this over at  Memebase and had to share it (original here).  The text in the original piece is a bit hard to read so I shall reprint it here with the Demotivational poster below it.  The featured article says:

"That's my niece Diane, and she's going to Hell."

Diane is a beautiful girl, I love her like I love my own daughter.  But it breaks my heart knowing she is going to spend eternity in the fiery furnace of Hell.  She'll never know Jesus.  There'll be no second coming.  Just an existance as one of Satan's minions.  Why?

Because she dances.

She could do anything else in the world.  Sing, Pray, Knit, Make hot dishes for families in need.  But she chooses to dance, Reverend Jerry Falwell says dancing leads to premarital sex, drinking, smoking, voting pro-choice and driving foreign cars.  And I always trust Reverend Falwell.

I've tried talking to Diane.  I've asked her to pray with me.  I've even taken her to church.  But she keeps dancing.  I don't think I can save her soul, but I'm sure you know someone who dances and can be saved.  Thomas Road Baptist Church has a free pamphlet on how to spot the warning signs of a dancer, and how you can intervene with the help of Our Lord and Savior.  Please write today.  There are more Dianes in the world who need our prayers.

Mrs. Loyd Douglas, Ned Beauty, Wyoming

Write today for your free pamphlet, You Can Dance Your Way To Hell If You Want.  Together with the help of Our Lord and Savior and Reverend Falwell, we can stop this sinful activity before God sends another plague of Muslim Airline Pilots our way.

A message from your friends at Thomas Road Baptist Church

And below the photo of the dearly departed Reverend:

"Friends, I need your help.  The power of prayer is indeed mighty, but to end this scourge I need more of your prayers.  I need your dollars to continue our crusade to help make America righteous and holy in His light.  I really, really need your dollars today.

-Jerry Falwell

Credit to Bagal_Tree_Socks for the meme.

 For those of you are desperately hoping that this is a joke, that the Thomas Road Baptist Church is fake or a case of a particularly good Poe, I have depressing news for you.  They are not only a real church, but a multi-million dollar mega-church in Lynchburg, Virginia.  Yes, a hate fueled church that can be found in a place called Lynchburg.  Be afraid.  If you still have your doubts, take a look at the relevant Wikipedia page.

Obviously this is a bit old as Jerry Falwell died in 2007, but it has lost none of its insanity in the years since.  I apologize to everyone who's brain I have melted in the process of sharing this.

Republicans rush to the aid of the Christmas tradition

There comes a time when abusing the system to pander for votes changes from a bad idea to outright absurd.  A prime example of this comes from Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-CO) and 55 co-sponsors who have just brought a resolution onto the House floor that comes to the defense of our precious Christmas traditions. Earlier this month, on December 7th, they introduced H. Res. 489.  I shall let it speak for itself:

Expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected for use by those who celebrate Christmas.
Whereas Christmas is a national holiday celebrated on December 25; and
Whereas the Framers intended that the First Amendment of the Constitution, in prohibiting the establishment of religion, would not prohibit any mention of religion or reference to God in civic dialog: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1) recognizes the importance of the symbols and traditions of Christmas;

(2) strongly disapproves of attempts to ban references to Christmas; and

(3) expresses support for the use of these symbols and traditions by those who celebrate Christmas.

It is certainly good to know that the Republican party thinks that we can waste tax payer money on a resolution that does absolutely nothing about a problem that doesn't exist but we can't spend money on extended medical coverage for veterans or education.

It’s the end of the world as we know it…

Well now that I have gotten the tune to a song that no one can properly hope to sing stuck in your head, it is time to celebrate the end of the world!

But what should you expect on the rapture?  Well one thing to keep in mind is if you go out, be sure to wear a rain coat.  Why you might ask?  Just think of how much mess a flock of birds flying overhead can make and imagine how much worse it would be with a group of humans scared shitless (quite literally) by their sudden loss of gravity. 

You should also expect to have massive cancellations of flights.  After the first two or three planes experience in flight emergencies after their engines get clogged up with bits of Christian chunks, flights everywhere will be grounded until the sky-lanes finally clear of the flocks of believers.

The believers that make it past the airplanes will have a few other things to contend with.  The first is the fact that oxygen levels and temperatures quickly begin to drop the higher up in the atmosphere you get.  Soon the excited believers will begin to become panic stricken once they realize that the writers of the bible had a very poor grasp of the fundamentals of our planet.  I imagine god will be pretty embarrassed when he goes out to greet the first of his chosen only to find them as lifeless meat-sicles. 

The various space agencies are likely also to be rather pissed by god’s oversight.  Our planets orbit is already littered with bits of space junk that perpetually threaten the many artificial satellites that help maintain our modern life.  All they need is a few thousand more things to track, not to mention the disruption of the amazing view those on the International Space Station has after it becomes obscured with the morbid vista of countless bodies drifting past.

Of course it is also possible that this entire thing is the creation of a series of deluded minds attempting to interpret the ramblings of ignorant ancient desert dwellers as absolute truth and nothing more than a lot of embarrassed back-tracking from the die-hard believers will come of this.  Perhaps there will even be an explosion of people coming to their senses about all this rapture business with former believers realizing that their invisible sky daddy is nothing more than a silly myth that should have been set aside with the likes of the tooth fairy.  People might learn from the error of their petty divisive beliefs and attempt to more forward as a more unified society.  On second thought, we should all probably just be on the lookout for someone claiming to have uncovered the ‘real’ date of the rapture for the believers to cling on to.

The real events behind Area 51

I was at a bookstore the other day and happened to pass by the rack of new releases.  I often take the time to check for anything new that might catch my interest.  One book caught my attention but I was also weary.  Entitled Area 51: An Uncensored History of America’s Top Secret Military Base by Annie Jacobson, I was torn between picking it up for would could be an intriguing look into US military history or running off in the opposite direction before the crazy inside the book could infect me.

In the end my fascination with military research and development lost to my wariness.  I later found out that this it was right to follow my instincts on this.  By chance I came across an article reviewing the very book that piqued my intrigue.  Written in Bloomberg by Andrew Dun, the author more than confirmed my greatest fears about this book and left me laughing at the insanity.

The book starts out as a legitimate history of a military installation founded on the heels of the Manhattan Project.  And while it stays within the bounds of historical accuracy for most of the book, one section takes a screeching left out of accurate territory into the twisted streets of crazyville.

Annie Jacobson cites a single unnamed former engineer for the US government who tells of an even more secret history involving what really happened all those years ago at a little placed called Roswell. Now for those who are up on their history, they know that the claimed alien crash was actually an accident involving project Mogul, which used high altitude microphones mounted on weather balloons to eavesdrop on any potential Soviet nuclear tests.  

But instead of explaining this already interesting story Jacobson claims her source informed her that this was just a cover up for what really happened, and it wasn’t actually aliens either.  Instead, what crashed in 1947 was a Soviet experimental aircraft.  This craft was built after blueprints stolen from a Nazi facility during the invasion of Germany at the tail end of World War II. The ‘alien symbols was actually Cyrillic writing, which apparently, no one at the US government facility had ever seen despite having access to some of the greatest engineering minds of the day.  The craft was built specifically so that it would crash at the military base to sow confusion amongst US forces. It was claimed that the hopes of the Soviets were that US researchers would spend so much time trying to reverse engineer the ‘alien’ craft and keep the event secret that it would slow actual development of US military technology.

To make things more interesting, the Soviets captured Josef Mengele who was forced to provide surgically altered “grotesque child-sized aviators” who were to somehow survive the crash and then climb out of the wreckage in hopes of being mistaken for alien visitors. The idea was to invoke the kind of hysteria caused by the 1938 radio broadcast of Orson Well’s “War of the Worlds”.

For those of you think this is all some big joke, Annie Jacobson closes this section of her book by stating that this revelation will gratify those of her readers who already suspected all much. Quite obviously she does not think much of the intellectual faculties of her readers. Who would honestly see this story as the most likely scenario behind the events of that night? More importantly, why have these people stopped taking their medication.

Tennessee, protecting kids from the evil gays

Now I wish I had come across this sooner, as the news about it came out on the 21st of last month, but I had to mention it as it is a real threat to sanity. Tennessee, that ever so progressive state, has passed a bill from a committee to the state senate floor that would make it illegal to mention homosexuality in any way in schools before the ninth grade.

This bill is one that has been fought for by Republicans for the last six years. Created by Senator Stacey Campfield, and known as the "Don't say gay" bill, it states that:

"No public elementary or middle school shall provide any instruction or material that discusses sexual orientation other than heterosexuality."

Because we all know, if you just ignore something you don't like (or make it illegal) it will go away. Have a kid who is coming to terms with their sexuality? To bad, you better hide it because Tennessee doesn't want to hear about it or help you. This is the kind of idiocy created by people who honestly think sexual orientation is a choice and roving bands of homosexuals are out to corrupt their children.

This is not the first bit of nuttery from Campfield. Previously, he made an attempt to pass a bill that would require death certificates to be given for aborted fetuses. He was also behind attempts to force women getting an abortion to look at ultrasound images, eliminate the state's pre-kindergarten program and also make it legal to carry a firearm onto a college campus. Yet he still has quite a bit of support from many Republicans, which just shows how bat-shit insane they really are.

Upon hearing this, George Takei made a comment on his twitter once again proving his brilliant wit:

TN bill will prevent teachers from using the word "gay" in class. In response, I'm lending them my name: "It's okay to be Takei."

10 (brain-dead) ways to withstand hurtful trials in life

There are few things that can get me in a mood for writing as finding someone's attempt to compile a list to help others and just eviscerating it with its own logical inconsistencies. While some may consider this callous or cruel, I think of it as something much more benign. Because of my mockery, some of these people may very well sit down and consider how to improve their writing and their own ways of thinking...Ok, that is utter bullshit, it is really just for my own amusement.

So today I have for you "10 WAYS TO WITHSTAND HURTFUL TRIALS IN LIFE". Why they are screaming the title at me I have yet to figure out. It isn't because of an addiction to caps-lock as the rest of the article is written in a more normal, non-yelling format.

This is a list of ways to stay blissfully happy in the Christian god despite living in a world where bad things happen. Unfortunately, once I realized the writer was serious and this was not just a sick joke, I found that the list did more to make me depressed than joyful. On the site, there is a long explanation following each item, but for brevity's sake, I shall just include the main item unless the text is too foolish not to share with you.

1. Consider trials as pure joy

Remember that time you came down with that crippling case of Giardia? Do you know why you were doubled over in pain, covered in your own excrement and wishing only for a quick death instead of enjoying your moment of bonding with one of god's wonderful creations? It is because you had the wrong frame of mind! Just think happy thoughts and you will find all that torment becomes a joyous experience you will want to share with everyone!

2. Remember that God never abandons His children

That's right, god would never abandon his beloved children! Which is why he has such a devoted priesthood that will do everything in their power to fill the children of the world with their 'love'.

3. Never doubt the goodness of God

In the midst of bitter experiences, we, like Job, should not stop in our services and faithfulness to God.

The author is right, Job never questioned the slaughtering of his whole family and his own torment for years on end and look what it got him. A nice new shiny family! His family 2.0 was surly better than the old and outdated models he used to have and never once would have grieved for the loss of such standard and boring models. After all, what are children other than a completely replaceable resource? So if you ever have those you love torn away from you, don't question god because if you are good you'll get a brand new set! And if you don't get them then you obviously questioned god's plan for you and didn't deserve it.

4. Believe that ‘God will change trials for your own good’

Believe that all things are for the better. Even the bitter experiences will be turned by God into experiences that are for your good.

At first I wasn't sure what the author meant here, but upon reading a bit of the accompanying text, I believe I understand. Apparently god knows what he is doing and if you were to get into a car wreck, break your neck and spend the rest of your life as a quadriplegic, it will totally make you a better person and teach you a lesson about...I don't know, the frailness of human life or some other crap to make you feel better unless you actually thought about it.

5. ‘Hardships are great boost for us to fulfill God’s will’

Yes, all your suffering, it is all to fulfill god's will. And what might his will be? Apparently to turn your life into a bad reality series while he laughs manically above us all.

6. ‘Sufferings prepare us for God’s Kingdom’

Imagine if other places held this policy. "Welcome to Disneyland, now before you enter, we will have to beat you with this bat covered in barbed wire until you pass out from blood loss. This way, after you regain consciousness, you will be worthy to enter and truly enjoy your stay!"

7. ‘God knows what is best’

Isn't this just a rehashing of the past four on this list? Has the author started to run out of ideas already or does he need to keep reminding himself that his miserable existence is the way his god wants it to be?

8. Do not worry about economic trouble

Countries the world over are facing economic downturns and here we see the real answer to everyone's woes. Just ignore it and hope it goes away! Haven't you been reading anything this person has written, god knows what he is doing and to question it is wrong. Just be happy with your debt and the constant fear of unemployment!

9. Ask God

Hasn't the author been saying the whole time to just go with what god is already doing? Wouldn't asking god for a bit of help or even asking him what the fuck his problem is be going against the whole idea of an omnipotent deity? In fact, is there any reason to pray at all in light of such a god other than to tell him how much you are enjoying your misery or perhaps a bit of ass-kissing in hopes it will appease the bastard enough so he might leave you alone for a bit?

10. Believe that God helps those who are in trouble

Because if you believe that god is going to help everyone, what is the point in intervening to make someone else's life a bit better? In fact, wouldn't doing so possibly be getting in the way of the suffering that god loves to inflict so very much (for their own good of course)? Is there any reason to do anything then? If god has it all under control why bother with that annoying empathy and all that hard humanitarian work when you could be sitting at home and enjoying yourself (that is, if god hasn't targeted you for 'misery duty' this week).

It is official, if anyone, anywhere agrees to this list in any way they can never consider themselves morally superior to someone such as myself who seems to think helping others is a good thing.

Tim Minchin - Storm

Tim Minchin, who is absolutely hilarious and brilliant in his music, recently made a short animation. Now this alone would warrant a post, but the content of the short makes it even more important for me, personally, to write something about it. The reason being is I have done this very thing on more then one occasion. I shall let you watch it before continuing on.



Now that you have had a chance to watch it, my following rant will make a bit more sense.

I cannot stand misinformation (or even more egregious, disinformation). I would rather listen to someone carve out a lecture with a knife onto a chalk board than have to sit through such stupidly wrong garbage as was quoted by the character Storm in this short. It sets me off like few other things can. Now if it is an honest mistake, I can stay calm easily enough and just provide the accurate information and why it is right by current standards. But if it is the kind of newage crap as this was, my brain just wants to projectile vomit.

It is even worse when I'm in the company of others who also have to listen to this idiocy. Because part of my mind is always afraid they will think "they have a point...". The worry that this kind of moronic meme will continue to infect other and subdue minds is more than I can bear. I have to do something to stop it.

So I all to often go into a rant about how utterly wrong whatever it was they just uttered was and why it is so off base. If the facts could simply speak for themselves to your average person, all I would have to do is explain them simply and all would be right with the world. But unfortunately for me and every other rational mind on this planet, people are often painfully stupid. So much so that they listen more to how something is said than what is actually said. Granted I will still present the data as I believe this is key. But a good mocking doesn't hurt either. Not to mention it gets rid of some of that pent up rage brought on by such inane babble.

As I stated earlier, if it is an innocent mistake or misinformation that a person heard and is just parroting, I am generally more kind. This is a mistake that all humans, including myself are guaranteed to do at some point in their existence. And if I know the person and can see that they have just been led astray by others with wrong information. I too tend to be calm and reasonable in my replies. But if it is someone whose words are so coated in smug that I need a shower after hearing them, it gets a bit hard not to see what their bowels look like after I verbally eviscerate them.

Now perhaps this isn't always the best route to go. But I have found more often than not that if you can destroy such an opponent with skill in front of others, whatever they said has far less impact upon those listening. In fact the only ones who tend not to change their view are those, like Storm, who are so ensconced within their stupidity that they are beyond reach by any sane mind.

One of the reasons I react so powerfully to such stupid is that it makes no bloody sense to me. As Tim Minchin stated, "Isn't this enough, just this beautiful, complex, wonderfully unfathomable natural world?" There is nothing I find more amazing than this universe and the fact that we can understand even an iota of it. The fact that we are constantly moving forward, uncovering more wonders than we could have ever hoped to conceive of on our own, is utterly astounding to me. This universe, and all the knowledge within, is the closest to the platonic archetype of beauty that I am aware of. Yet people such as Storm and the others like her are completely unable to see it, either through ignorance or fear. But they are not content with just missing the stunning beauty, no, they have to taint the image for others as well. They have to drag others down into their dank pit of ignorance and relish in their own stupidity. They shun true beauty for the imaginary and want as many others as they can infect to do the same. They are the very reason our species is not further along than we are. They are the ones who feed off fear, they are the ones who feed off ignorance, they are the very cancer of the mind that has kept us trapped where we are for far too long. They are the enemy of reason, of thought, of wonder and of freedom. And they are as annoying as all hell.

Sarah Palin...and this all I have to say

Sarah Palin. Do I really need to say much more? The name itself invokes facepalms worldwide. She is like Dan Quayle and George W. Bush were at one point (except more lonely Republicans masturbate to Palin...I hope). The fact that she gains any media attention other then from her copious fails is a testament to the idiocy of the masses. People make drinking games out of speeches made by Sarah Palin just to be able to tolerate the idiocy.

Once again this zenith of media stupidity has given us reason to question the functionality of her gray matter. Appearing on that cesspool of conservative television, Fox News, Palin yet again proves that she has the attention span of a meth addicted rodent.

Thankfully Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks is here to make this experience just a bit more tolerable. His mocking of the situation is the only reason anyone should be able to sit through the source video clip without pounding their head into the nearest hard object to relieve the pain.

21 (even more crazy) steps in overcoming masturbation

The other day I tackled a Mormon site entitled "Steps In Overcoming Masturbation". I started out with the first 8, a list called "A Guide To Self-Control", it can be found here for those who missed it. Today I shall taunt the even longer of the two lists on the site. This one is simply known as "Suggestions".

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest.

Didn't they, in an off-handed sort of way, admit that prayer is rather worthless for this at the end of the last list? Or were they just hoping no one would notice that and are back to trying to get people to talk to themselves.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

Yes, run and don't stop. Pump those muscles until this natural urge goes away. Seeing all those other hot and sweaty bodies at the gym will just melt away all those desires.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

For even greater effect, yell "stop" out loud for all to hear. Then not only will you work to suppress your desire to masturbate but you will convince everyone around you that you have escaped from a mental ward and will be at no risk of ever having sex.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation.

Because when you tell yourself you will never do it again it is guaranteed to happen, just like eating, breathing and every other natural process.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

Even better, imagine yourself as a eunuch. For better results, grab a pair of scissors and live the dream.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

Because all of this will be so much easier to accomplish when you are so sexually repressed that seeing a little extra skin on your preferred sex causes you to need to change your Mormon brand underwear.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

The years of repression and Mormon upbringing will guarantee you are a friendless freak who have absolutely no social skills and must learn to try and manipulate others into liking you through a book. These people really have such poor self images, no wonder they want to try to stop masturbating, not even they want to touch themselves.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc

So unless you are on a high dose of Valium, be prepared to feel emotions that might make you want to masturbate. All other times you show even the slightest change in emotion you are at risk. Remember, the Stepford Wives are your role model.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

After those three months? Masturbation party! Go till you collapse from exhaustion and dehydration. Let it be your own personal incentive.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

What exactly would be the counter activity to trying to get to sleep, probably the number one time masturbation occurs. Are these people supposed to keep themselves up for so long they eventually collapse? I would suggest dangerous amounts of stimulants but as I stated in the last post, Mormonism is against anything even remotely similar to fun...

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.

Great, now they are taking tips from A Clockwork Orange, that couldn't possibly backfire...

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

Why just have the desire to masturbate when you can add in a fetish for being caught in the act?

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

Feeling ill? Have a muscular disorder? Too bad you pansy, get up and do something! Otherwise you might want to touch yourself you filthy, lazy sinner. I don't care if you are in horrible pain or an death's doorstep, do something constructive!

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

As these people stated in the last list, they have a horrible fear that going to the restroom will insight people to masturbate. I'm not exactly sure which fetishes they have but relieving myself has never made me want to rub one out. Are they afraid of being awake more then necessary? Do they think if their followers are sufficiently dehydrated they will be too weak to masturbate? Are they just morons?

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

Damn it, I shouldn't have put so much ketchup on that burger, now all I can think of is how much I want to ravage myself.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

All I can imagine is an Official Mormon Onesie.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

When you are this sexually repressed is there anything that wouldn't get you rearing to go? Maybe there is where the 'hot for Jesus' thing comes from.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

So this is why they always carry that book around with them, it is to keep them from masturbating furiously at a moments notice. Well that is one more reason not to invite a missionary into my house.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

This is also a great way to become ambidextrous or develop a bondage fetish. Why do so many of these rules result in the development of fetishes? Is this the reason behind so many sex scandals amongst Conservatives?

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

Considering these people are trying to overcome their masturbation fixation, telling them to buy something that delights them might be counterproductive. Perhaps this explains why Utah is number 1 in online porn subscriptions.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Yes, it is the great satan who wants you to touch yourself. According to these people it was their god who created them and all their functions yet satan gets blamed when things go wrong. And I have to ask, a radiant glow? I thought that was how you looked after great sex, not trying to repress it away.