"That's my niece Diane, and she's going to Hell."
Diane is a beautiful girl, I love her like I love my own daughter. But it breaks my heart knowing she is going to spend eternity in the fiery furnace of Hell. She'll never know Jesus. There'll be no second coming. Just an existance as one of Satan's minions. Why?
Because she dances.
She could do anything else in the world. Sing, Pray, Knit, Make hot dishes for families in need. But she chooses to dance, Reverend Jerry Falwell says dancing leads to premarital sex, drinking, smoking, voting pro-choice and driving foreign cars. And I always trust Reverend Falwell.
I've tried talking to Diane. I've asked her to pray with me. I've even taken her to church. But she keeps dancing. I don't think I can save her soul, but I'm sure you know someone who dances and can be saved. Thomas Road Baptist Church has a free pamphlet on how to spot the warning signs of a dancer, and how you can intervene with the help of Our Lord and Savior. Please write today. There are more Dianes in the world who need our prayers.
Mrs. Loyd Douglas, Ned Beauty, Wyoming
Write today for your free pamphlet, You Can Dance Your Way To Hell If You Want. Together with the help of Our Lord and Savior and Reverend Falwell, we can stop this sinful activity before God sends another plague of Muslim Airline Pilots our way.
A message from your friends at Thomas Road Baptist ChurchAnd below the photo of the dearly departed Reverend:
"Friends, I need your help. The power of prayer is indeed mighty, but to end this scourge I need more of your prayers. I need your dollars to continue our crusade to help make America righteous and holy in His light. I really, really need your dollars today.
|Credit to Bagal_Tree_Socks for the meme.|
Obviously this is a bit old as Jerry Falwell died in 2007, but it has lost none of its insanity in the years since. I apologize to everyone who's brain I have melted in the process of sharing this.