Happy (slightly late) New Year

I wanted to write this earlier, but between having to work and getting quite ill, I have had neither the time nor the energy.  Thankfully I think I'm moving out the phlegm factory zombie stage and into the quiet acceptance of what is certain to be a prolonged and agonizing death.  Like the seasons, I do not fear the reaper and will face down my own demise while attempting to celebrate a belated New Year.

As part of this, I would like to take on the humble role of thanking the entirety of existence for being too indifferent to humanities existence to annihilate us for yet another solar year.

Thank you for not hurling some large rock, allowing a massive plague to spread, nudging a black hole in our general direction or any of the myriad other ways you could make living somewhat difficult.  I would just like to state that I do enjoy living and have grown quite accustomed to doing so.  Though, since you are indifferent, I doubt it will matter much to you (not there is a you either, but it would be really hard to thank you without having at least the idea of a you to thank).

Thank you cosmos, for not having some kind of grand ruler or 'god', if you will.  As if this were true, I think the shit would hit the fan quite hard.  And by shit I mean a Gamma Ray Burst and by fan I mean the Earth.  So while I know you are incapable of anything that approaches understanding, I would still like to thank you for letting a silly group of hominids scurry about our little rock in relative peace.

I hope to see you next year.

A random quote that has nothing to do with the holidays, but enjoy anyway

I just stumbled upon this quote from Mark Twain's Letters from the Earth and I thought I would share it with you.  He really was a brilliantly clever man and far ahead of his time.  I hope everyone has a wonder Holiday.

The priest said, "Imitate our Father in Heaven, learn to be like him." The man studied his Bible diligently and thoroughly and understandingly, and then with prayers for heavenly guidance instituted his imitations. He tricked his wife into falling downstairs, and she broke her back and became a paralytic for life; he betrayed his brother into the hands of a sharper, who robbed him of his all and landed him in the almshouse; he inoculated one son with hookworms, another with the sleeping sickness, another with gonorrhea; he furnished one daughter with scarlet fever and ushered her into her teens deaf, dumb, and blind for life; and after helping a rascal seduce the remaining one, he closed his doors against her and she died in a brothel cursing him. Then he reported to the priest, who said that that was no way to imitate his Father in Heaven. The convert asked wherein he had failed, but the priest changed the subject and inquired what kind of weather he was having, up his way.

...Eh?

I was just shown this.  I don't think I can do it any credit other than looking at it in a confused manner.  If this was written with sincerity it is the most absurd thing since the Time Cube.  Whoever this person is, they need help, desperate help.  Warning, it will take a while and afterwards you may have little hope left for humanity, read at your own risk.

Carl Sagan vs. astrology

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

I just found this amazing thing and I just had to say something about it. The blog Ninjerktsu is done by a storyboard artist at Dreamworks. Well he decided to make something a bit different and in this instance, it pits Carl Sagan against the starship astrology. This is utter genius and is true to someone I consider my personal hero. It really is perfect...and damn do I miss Sagan...

What I learned on New Year's Eve

I hope everyone had an enjoyable New Years and hopefully one that could even vaguely be defined as safe. Over the course of the night I was able to accumulate a series of rather loosely defined 'rules'. While they may not all be applicable to everyone, I believe that at least some of these can be agreed upon by most. Now in no particular order, the things I learned over New Year's Eve...

#1 There are some messages that are never ok to send.

While it has generally become an accepted part of any time of reverie, the idea of disturbing calls, texts and emails does have its limits. Unless you simply choose to ignore your phone during such times, we all know at least a few people who will send us drunk messages that make us wonder why we are still in contact with these people. Well, we all at least hope that inebriation is the source of these misanthropy reaffirming messages as the alternative is just far to depressing for most of us to wish to consider.

Granted there is the ever popular drunken ex texting/calling but this has been so over done to become almost more cliche then a truly bad decision. Not to say that it is not a poorly developed idea as, like most choices these people make while imbibing, is so chock full of fail and future regret to be painfully obvious (at least to everyone other then the person sending the message).

There are many other forms of future shame but few top one when it comes to making others disdain ever knowing you and the fact that said person's parents thought procreating was a good idea. What message could potentially be so poorly thought out as to not only be a portent of the sender's own suffering but, like some sort of mosquito of misery, sucks the joy out of anyone who is on the receiving end of it?

It is a message that is usually some variation of "I may need you to bail me out of jail later...". For those of you who have never been on the receiving end or been around those who have been sent such a message, consider yourself lucky. For there are few ways to destroy someone's enjoyment like opening up their phone and to hear or see these words.

But even more pathetic is the thought process that was behind this message (or lack there of). For the sender to have even considered to write this message they would have to realize that they are going to be putting themselves into a situation that could result in their imprisonment, yet they choose not to do the obvious thing and simply avoid it. It is the textual equivalent of noticing that oncoming semi trailer and thinking to yourself "I bet I could beat that in a game of chicken" (for those of you who agree to that statement, go try it, I'm sure our genome will thank you).

One final point about this rule. If you do not recognize any of these things as poor decisions then congratulations, you are that person and yes, everyone really does hate you.

#2 Games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

For the more astute of my readers, you may have realized that this isn't exactly a rule. Quite true, but that is only because there is far to much to say about this topic and it is far easier to just lump them all under one category then trying to write about them individually.

These games have, in their relatively short existence become the ubiquitous party video game. Is there a party? Is one of these games available? Then it, almost without fail, will be played. And if the person also has the microphone and drum set then the temptation to play this glorified version of Simon becomes far to great for the collective presence of the party to ignore.

It being New Year's Eve, alcohol, by law, must be available. So it will not be long before these two things are brought together into what, for the observer at least, becomes one of the most inadvertently hilarious events at a party. There is the obvious lure of seeing someone who can play any song on expert while blindfolded slowly degenerating into someone who suddenly makes your utter lack of talent at the game seem normal. As the expert player slowly begins to have to lower the difficulty setting to keep up with there increasing blood alcohol level, the game actually becomes both more hilarious for those watching and also grants the novice a chance to play alongside their betters at the game without looking quite as bad at it as they truly are. And as many of us have had the unfortunate chance to see, humans are spiteful little critters and to see their 'betters' fall to their level (even if just for a bit) makes far too many bipeds cackle with evil glee.

So in a matter of hours, a simple game of matching beats with pretty colors suddenly becomes a lesson in humanities malicious side. If this were not bad enough, those who get far to into the game begin to display another darker trait of our species, addiction. In this case to, what in all actuality, is a rather silly thing. It is not common to see someone who feels they are in 'the zone' to ignore everything else around them, including the fact that they came here with a loved one whom they promptly left to fend for themselves. All over the chance to give themselves carpal tunnel syndrome and imagine that they can actually play a real instrument.

But despite these evils, the Siren call of this game can almost never be resisted. And as the collective level of inebriation of the part increases, even these darker aspects become almost completely ignored. In fact soon it becomes almost mandatory to begin laughing at the absurd actions of those playing the game. Once this point has finally been reached, we find that we have come full circle and are once again back to the point of it just being a game to be enjoyed instead of some sort of serious test of skill.

It is usually about this time that the few people who are not putting their livers through hell suddenly realize "wait, everyone else is too drunk to really care what goes on, I can act like a complete fool and not only get away with it but shall become more liked by everyone because of it!". It is at this point that you shall see a person loose their last bits of inhibition (and actually not because of alcohol) and begin throwing in random kicks, fist pumps and otherwise acting like they are The Guitar Hero. These actions are further encouraged by their intoxicated comrades and soon one of the most hilarious synergies is formed and once again the world is made right be a bunch of humans making utter fools of themselves and loving every minute of it. Oh, and apparently it is perfectly alright to fight over who gets to sing Spider-Man by the Ramones.

#3 Explosions are amazing.

Now this one should be so obvious as to not even need further considering. The rule itself could very well be the end all and be all of this part. Except I had a chance to bear witness to something that proves just how much we humans like our booms.

A friend of mine decided to try and make a firework on his own. In the end, its incredibly simple construction led to it being little more then a gun powder bomb, yet we watched with a childish glee as it blackened the yard with its explosive goodness. Granted this was probably one of the least safe aspects of the entire night, but that is part of its allure. It represents humanities taming of such a destructive force and turning it into a source of mindless giggles.

Site redesign

As I'm sure you can tell, I have recently taken the time to reformat my blog a bit. While the old design was nice, I believe I have greatly improved it in both aesthetics and functionality.

The first most obvious change has to do with the new title image. I would like to thank the ever so talented Misa Akane for providing her talent in creating this new header for me. She is also quite the brilliant writer. Her primary blog can be found at The Last Lemurisian and her poetry blog (which is quite amazing) is located at Exhibit Number One. So please stop by and give her a read as I'm sure many of you will love her writings as much as I do.

I have also changed the layout to fix a previous annoyance I have been fighting with. I had noticed that if photos and videos were not formatted correctly, they would end up having part of their right side cut off. This was quite agitating, but thankfully is something that has been entirely resolved making both the appearance more pleasing as well as making things far more easy on me when I go to incorporate such media items.

On the right hand side I have added a few more items. I have added a search tool that will allow anyone to make a query for any post or subject that I have written about. I have also decided to sign up with Adsense to hopefully get a bit back financially from the time I put into this blog (each time someone clicks on the ad I receive a small amount of money, so click away readers). In further hopes to make this blog a bit more self sustaining, I have added a Donation tool (AKA the begging button) for anyone who wishes to support me in my endeavors to remain alive (as I generally find this to be a rather agreeable state). I have also included a "Blogs I Follow" list. Look through here for guaranteed intelligence and thought provocation. A bit further down is my 'Gifts and Treasures' section. Here I display items that have been made for and given to me that have some sentimental value. It gives me a place to proudly display those things that others have taken the time to create or give to me.

As I'm sure those who are familiar with the site will also note that I have been devoting far more time to my blog and have been updating far more frequently then ever before. I hope to keep this up as I truly do love writing and having a place to publish my ideas and thoughts. I hope this will also help to increase the number of comments as I do love the feedback.

In addition to the comments I have added some Reactions buttons. These are easy to click responses to what you the readers think about the post. For many, I understand it takes too much time to comment on every decent article or post that you read from day to day. So it is my hopes that my inclusion of the Reactions buttons will make people more likely to give feedback. As the more feedback I receive, the better my understanding will be for what you, the readers, truly enjoy taking your time to read through.

Finally, I have taken advantage of a program known as AddMe which is a free service that helps to promote sites and distribute links to a wide variety of search engines. I hope this shall increase traffic a bit and is something I recommend to any fellow bloggers who wish to increase their traffic and reader base.

If any of my readers have any suggestions or critiques, please feel free to share them in the comments.

Thank you for taking your time to read me, I greatly appreciate it and hope to continue this blog for as long as I am able. Which,

Sanity starts to return to California

That little bit of idiocy known as 'Proposition 8' in California has been over turned. Sorry Mormons, looks like you went and spent all those millions to sway voters to enact Prop. 8 for nothing. Just like with that whole racist thing you went through quite a few years back, it looks like, once again, the courts have moved in and stomped on all your discriminatory fun.

But the religious 'right' did their best to try and fight this...wait...no they didn't. They were so sure that they were going to win they only had two witnesses. You know, for once, I'm actually glad that fundy conservatives are idiots, it made granting basic freedoms that much easier.

Now, unfortunantly, this isn't a dead win. Those with small minds and large mouths are already appealing the decision. So the judge has held off on enacting equal marriage in the state until the hearings are over. While I would like for things to start as soon as possible, I can see the logic in this. By doing this, he shows that he isn't an 'activist' judge (whatever the hell they are anyway) as well as preventing and dashed hopes in case things go badly during the appeal process. Though, at this point, I think there is very little reason to suspect that this will occur.

The way that this discriminatory law was overturned was simply brilliant. Instead of trying to argue that same-sex marriage should be allowed, they put forth that by denying same-sex couples the ability to marry, the state effectively was upholding negative stereotypes and discrimination for which there is no evidence to support. And this is exactly what such laws do. They make it ok to make a certain group of people second class citizens. Something that flies right in the face of the 14th Amendment to the Constitution (The 14th Amendment, infuriating bigots since 1868).

One can only hope that this will be the turning point leading to equal marriage laws being passed in other states that used similar arguments. This sets precedent and that was one of the biggest things holding back such laws. Part of me actually hopes the angry peons defending the 'sanctity' of marriage push this to the supreme court only to have the ruling upheld and turning a state concept into a national one. Now wouldn't that be a bit of wonderful irony?

A hero of mine

I would like to talk a bit about a personal hero of mine. For most of my life, I have not found another with a mind that worked even remotely similar to my own. I have lived, for far to long, in an area where deep though and inquiry have been mostly shunned or seen as a distant dream at best. When I would talk about my passion for understanding, how it allowed me to feel connected to the ideas I was learning about, I never once came across another who felt this way or truly understood what this feeling was like. Many were interested, yes. They were intrigued by my passion and almost in awe of my understanding and how I could break down the complex and seemingly unattainable into something they could grasp and know for themselves. But I could not find another mind that saw the universe as I did.

When I come across something new, I examine it, I pick it up in my mind and roll it around a bit. I see how it looks from all sides and how it might connect with what I already know. A good example is when, many years ago, I first learned about probability waves. The idea that a particle does not exist at any point, but has a probability of existing. That this probability might be highest around a point but it also flows out around it, spreading to infinity, always at a non-zero chance of being here or there. When I first learned of this, things became so clear for me. Suddenly I understood how electrons could exist in specific energy levels around an atomic nucleus while also forming a 'cloud'. I understood how a photon could be a particle, a single quanta of electromagnetic energy while also being a wave. I was able to apply this concept to things I had leaned before, such as the famous light slit experiment that proved the particle wave duality of light as well as how, if left untouched, a photon will go through two slits equally. Before, the idea of one thing going through two places at once seemed wrong. I knew it was true, but I couldn't fully comprehend it, I couldn't make it my own. But as soon as I learned about probability waves, it all fit. It was a cascade of connections in my mind.

When this happens, it is almost euphoric. The concept I am understanding and myself are no longer separate entities but become intertwined. I experience the idea not as a thought but as if it is a part of me. This connection is, well, spiritual. I use that word reluctantly as I know it has quite a bit of baggage attached to it. That many see it within the domain of religion and myth. But here, I mean it as an experience where you develop as a being, where you connect with something on a fundamental level, almost becoming that thing. There isn't another word in the English language that fits well enough other then spirituality.

For the longest time I could not find another who thought like this. I heard about people who had done so or did so. But I never met them, they were just distant stories. For so long I felt truly alone. That there was not another who felt as I did, who saw the universe as I saw it. Who loved the world as I love it.

But then I read a book. A book written by a man I already greatly respected and wished I had a chance to meet. The book was A Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan. When I read the opening pages, I suddenly found the mind I had sought for so long. I read his words, his explanation of how he saw the world and I saw my own views, I saw what could have been my very own words. I read about how he was in love with science, how he wanted to share this love with the world and how his heart ached with joy at the understanding science granted him. And for the first time in my life, I felt as if I was no longer alone. I read on, seeing more of my inner thoughts written out by someone else, as if they had seen into my mind and pulled the thoughts out to use for their own.

From that day on, I no longer felt alone. But I also knew that the mind I had finally found that was similar to my own, was gone. That Carl Sagan had died many years ago and that the book I had read was published only two years before he left us. Part of me grieved. I had never met Carl Sagan, but I felt I knew him better then most ever could have, because I felt our minds were so alike.

Part of me felt cheated. That I did not known more about Carl Sagan when he was alive. That if only someone had shown me some of his non-fiction writing I could have at least reached out to him while he was alive and thanked him. That I wouldn't have spent so much time feeling alone. That I could have told him how much it meant to me to know that another feels the same as I do. But I will never get that chance.

One of Carl Sagan's life long ambitions was to spread knowledge as far as he could. To reach out and share his love of the universe with others. To make others fall in love as he had. And he did this well. He touched so many lives. He inspired an entire generation of scientists. There are few people who have done more to change the world, to help sculpt future minds and societal views. To leave humanity, as a whole, in a better state then when he first entered it.

Carl Sagan accomplished much in his life time. In my own life, I have created a few purposes. One of the most important ones is to spread what knowledge I have. I came to this conclusion on my own, long before I read about Carl Sagan's views. I would like to think, if he were to be able to read this, that he would have preferred that. That I was able to come to this realization on my own. As he was always for letting people understand and develop. I do not hope to emulate Carl Sagan, I could not do that if I tried. He was a great person, one of the greatest our species has ever known. But what I do hope to do is continue his legacy. To spread forth his ideals and his wisdom. To take it in and make it a part of me, just as I have with everything else I have learned. In this manner, I hope to honor his memory. And while I know you will never be able to read this, thank you, Carl Sagan, for helping me understand and be happy with who I am.

Purpose

I would first like to apologize. Despite my saying that I would try and update more I went for a bit without any word at all. The reason for this is because I have finally moved out from the middle of bloody nowhere and have moved into an apartment in what can at least vaguely be compared to civilization. It has certainly been a pleasant change for me.

Anyway, the real reason for this post is the concept of a purpose. One of the common critiques from theists on the atheistic standpoint is that it does not allow for there to be a purpose for ones life. It is a misconception that I come across time and time again. The only reason I think it still exists is a lack of imagination and drive on the part of the theists. They are used to having a worldview where their purpose and meaning are given to them on a platter. They do not need to work to attain it. They already think they have one. Granted they might not always know what it is, but to them the fact that it is there is all that matters. This leaves them as, if we want to reduce the idea down to its most basic form, nothing more then an automaton, working towards its predetermined goal even if that goal is invisible to the one who possesses it.

For those such as I without the belief in an higher guiding power, this preexisting reason can not possibly exist. Instead we are left blind to it entirely at first. To many of us (including myself for the longest time), this can be a bit daunting and bewildering. To think that we exist simply based on past occurrences and that any inherent purpose is not only lacking but a explanation that is contradictory to the evidence before us.

This point is generally when the theist gives up. They believe that if there isn't a preexisting reason then there cannot be any point for existence at all leaving one with a sense of hopelessness. But what they forget to look for is potential.

When a sculpture looks at a block of marble, they do not see a predestined design. In fact they cannot possibly do this as there never has been one. The marble is nothing more then a hunk of rock that was chemically and physically altered by intense heat and pressure. When the initial piece of granite was heated by the mantle, the Earth did not intend for it to one day be carved by the hands of a hairless ape with an imagination. It was simply processes causing other processes until two completely separate lines of events (the time line of the marble and the time line of the life of the artist) converge at a single moment in time. Nothing guided them to that intersection in time space. It just happened.

So then where does the purpose spring from if there was never even a place for it until that point? The purpose comes from the mind of the sculpture. He or she looks at the marble and envisions in their mind what it could potential be with just a bit of work. The see themselves picking up the tools, spending the energy and time to transform the haphazard stone into something of beauty or purpose.

The same can be said for our existence. When we look at our lives we can see all of our talents and desires. We can imagine what different combination of these could possibly achieve. In the end we create both our own purpose and the place to apply it. There was never a blank shelve were a purpose would fit perfectly, we create it all for ourselves based on our situations and capabilities.

For myself, creating a purpose was a long and arduous task. For the longest time I was never able to see my own self work or my impact upon those around me due to combination of chronic depression, physical disability and various other hurdles that were out of my control. But upon finally realizing what I am capable of, I was able to see what purpose I might have. In fact it was so clear it seemed to materialize out of my very existence as it is was intrinsic to my very being. Yet I know that it was not made for me, I formed it to suit me. I am the master of my purpose. I do not answer to it, but it to me.

This is an incredibly empowering idea. To think that my reason for existing is mine to own and control and that I am not set upon a preordained path. For this very reason I truly believe that the concept of a found purpose, a purpose we create ourselves, if far superior to those held by the theistic community. For they only believe they follow a path that exists for them instead of blazing their own. Any joy they get from theirs is a joy that is granted to them. For those who have made their purpose, the rapture they find in their own meaning is one they make for themselves. No one else has control over this. We make our own happiness, not depend upon some ethereal consciousness for it.

I would go so far to say that this is a more mature view point. I would compare the theistic concept of following a set path to that of a child following the commands of an adult. They are not trusted to make their own decisions in such important matters and must have their path lain before them. It gets to the point where the person walking that path won't even trust their own judgment any long and must hold the hand of their guide at all times.

On the other hand the one who has formed his or her own purpose is like the adult the child holds on to. We create our path from what is before us and what we have brought with us. We do not look to someone else to guide us along utterly defendant on their judgment and good will. We can trust in ourselves and do what we know to be right and proper. Yes, we will falter at times, everyone will, even the one who believes their path is set before them. But instead of wondering why we strayed from the path and hope to have our hands taken as we are walked back to it, we dust ourselves off and get right back on it ourselves.

Yet despite the usefulness of the analogies I have used, there is one simple problem with them. The problem being that the path that the theist has had layed out before them does not exist in the first place. It is fine to compare them to a child being guided by the hand throughout life. But the truth is that the path they believe they are walking and the hand they are taking does not exist in the first place. It is all an illusion created for their own comport. It is just a security blanket they have wrapped themselves in. Because of this they are even more lost then my analogy made it seem. If the path they are following is all imaginary then the are doing nothing more then wandering. There may be many times when something is accomplished or a destination reached. Yet it is because they did it themselves, even if they are to afraid to admit this and must attribute it all to their imaginary guide. It is sad that this must be so, that they must be so uncertain of their own capabilities.

More then just saddening it can also be incredibly dangerous. For if they believe the path is being created by another then there is absolutely no reason for them to take responsibility for their own actions. To them, what they are doing is the will of a wiser and more powerful being. As such it could not possibly be wrong and they have no reason to question it. This leads to someone who essentially has the personal reasoning skills of a child being granted immunity for the repercussions of the actions that are in fact their own. This is why the dangerous actions of religious extremists seems to alien to those of us who form our own purpose as we do not follow the same path of reasoning. This is one of the prime reasons people such as I speak out against theistic thinking such as this. We see the danger that is inherit and do not wish it to spread further then it has, to taint other minds and lives.

All of this was spawned by my discovering of my own purpose. Some may have wondered by this point what this purpose may be. What I have learned about myself is that I have the ability to aid others. Those I know have told me that I am someone that they can talk to about anything at all. That they know that I shall not judge them but instead put forth my own understandings to let them decide for themselves where they should go. If they wish me to guide them, but I won't condemn them. For that will only make them turn inwards, it will change nothing. These individuals also tell me that they see me as rather wise. That I can see to the heart of an issue and understand it with ease. Combine this with my a refined sense of empathy and I am able to connect with a person, give them a place to be themselves freely and grow without being threatened. All of this has led me to the conclusion that I possess the necessary talents to aid those around me. As such I strive to do this, to help when I can, connect with as many as possible and generally make this life a more enjoyable one.

For those of you reading, I would be quite interested to hear what proposes you might have found for yourself. What has led you to this realization. Many of us have taken very different roads yet each one has something that may aid others in their journey. As such I look forward to hearing how yours has gone thus far and where you see it going from here.

Misinformation

I hate misinformation. I do not mean I just dislike it, am mildly annoyed by it or that it grates on my nerves. I absolutely loath it. But what is even worse is when people spread it around like it is the absolute truth as if they were some sort of Typhoid Mary of wrong.

Whenever I first hear it, I first must resist the urge to bang my head on the nearest hard surface and instead calmly and politely explain to them that what they believe is utter crap. Sometimes the person will accept the new explanation and stop the contagion then. But other times they will adamantly stick by their inaccurate belief. To make matters worse, others may also chime in supporting the wrong info.

When asked how they know that they are right about whatever it might be, I often get one of two responses. The most common one is that it is 'common knowledge'. Common knowledge is notoriously utter nonsense (such as the often spouted bit about the sky being blue because they reflect the oceans). The second one is that they read or heard it somewhere. They can almost never name what this source is or be able to show it to anyone else (or if they do it is from some place that is equally full of wrong).

I bring all this up because today at dinner, both my parents brought up the old myth that Michael Jackson is now white because he bleached his skin. Right then and there I spoke up saying no, he had Vitiligo, potentially compounded with Lupus. In Vitiligo, the immune system attacks the melanites (the cells that produce melanin, the pigment in human skin), leading to a lightening of the skin and, in most cases, an eventual lack of melanin throughout the body leaving the victim incredibly light in skin tone. My parents response to this? No, he bleached his skin. No explanation for how it was known, just that it was and this was the end of it.

When I got back home I brought forth the data showing that A) the beaching myth is just that, a myth and B) that there has never been a case of a person bleaching their skin to any way that even approached Jackson's skin tone (and the only times of any skin bleaching period are dubious at best). When presented with this information I got a very simple response. Verbatim, the response was "I really don't care".

This nearly got my visibly agitated (which I rarely do). The fact that my family does not care whether the information they pass around as absolute truth is actually right or not confounds me. How can you not care whether what you say is right or not? Granted I really don't care about the topic, but the fact that the info was wrong was what pulled me in.

I am further curious as to how I am the only one in my family that actually seems to give a damn about accuracy. Yes the others will want accuracy in what they know well such as their profession. But beyond that, utter apathy at best and contempt at worst. I say contempt because I have been told many times from my family that no one cares how accurate something is and I should just stop being so elitist (I should note that I don't go around condescendingly telling people they are wrong just pointing out when something is wrong and the reason it is wrong, I never condemn the person for it). I wasn't aware that valuing knowledge and intellectual honesty made one elitist, I thought it was just being responsible.

I suppose this is just one more reason why I am not that close with my family, we simply see the world in ways that are so different as to be incompatible. I find beauty in knowledge. But to know that those I am kin to not only do not care about the beauty but actually think it is an ugly, bad thing, well, I find this quite sad.

Personal walk

Normally my posts here are about a specific topic that I focus on without revealing to much about myself, other then my personal feelings on one topic or another. Personal events are usually kept out of the discussion as I realize that they tend to influence things more then I would like. I much prefer to be as objective as I can be when writing about something. But at the same time I realize that this limits my quite a bit. So now I believe would be as good a time as any to begin throwing that concept aside (just a bit). I will still try to remain objective as possible, but this is a place for me to rant aimlessly, might as well not limit what those rants shall be about.

Anyway, after that pointless explanatory intro, I shall tell you what happens when I, Cyc, gets a stupid idea in his head and follows through with it. To start I'll need to set up some back story. I recently started taking a new medication to treat my depression (Double Depressive Disorder if anyone, like me, is nerdy enough to want to know). I know what some will be thinking, someone who can be classified as 'goth' is depressed? How shocking! Often inaccurate stereotypes aside, I was put on this new medication after my previous one made me break out in hives (nothing like body wide itchy welts to make you feel better about yourself). One of the side effects of this new one is impulsive behavior, and like all anti-depressants, the chance for suicidal ideations. Now add these effects with being stuck in a house alone with in the middle of bloody nowhere and things start taking a turn for the stupid.

Around this time I began having quite a high level of pain (yes, the previous post is from personal experience), I decided I needed to get into town to pick up some medication that I knew would help (note: you have lived in a rural area for to long when you call the closest thing recognizable as civilization as town). So I scrounged up some money and began walking.

Now this might not sound to bad (except for the pain part), but I also require a cane to walk and have Fibromyalgia. Two things that do not lend themselves well to long journeys on foot. I knew I would be in significant pain when I arrived but I thought with the infusion of a pain medication I would be able to make the return trip easily.

About a couple miles into my walk, I was doing ok, singing to the music from my mp3 player, able to walk relatively easily when I realized I was starting to get a bit thirsty. Now before I left I had set up multiple water bottles knowing I would need it for my walk. But at this moment I realized that I had forgotten my carefully layed out water. But I thought it was to late to turn back so I went ahead anyway.

After a while I stopped at some random persons house and asked if I might get a bit of water and the rather kind lady gave me two bottles of water to take with me. Anyway as I finished the first half of my journey I thought I was doing ok. I stopped in and saw a good friend who was working at a local restaurant and got some water to rehydrate while cooling down. Then I continued on with my walk. But about two miles into the return journey, I realized something was amiss. I had difficulty concentrating, was beginning to have mild hallucinations and a quite strong urge to lay down and go to sleep.

While my mind wasn't at it's best, I immediately recognized this for what it was, the first stages of heat stroke, and I still had a good ten miles left to go. At this I turned back and tried to make it to my friends restaurant. About this time I was cursing myself in multiple languages for being such an idiot. Thankfully a friend was able to come and get me and take me back to my house, for which I am incredibly grateful for heat stoke is no where near as fun as it sounds.

When I finally got home, I began taking off my clothing and found that my socks were especially difficult to remove. I had walked so far that the blisters had popped and the interstitial fluid had bound itself to the fabric (once again, no where near as fun as it might sound). But I have since made quite the recovery despite it still being a bit difficult to walk and use the arm that I hold the cane in.

The key point to all of this is simple, something I could have said in a couple paragraphs and be done with it (but where would the fun in that be?). While the medication did help push me towards the action, I know quite well it was not the sole cause. It was also a test of myself to see how much my body had degraded, to see if I could still do what I could before if I pushed myself hard enough. While some would say walking twelve miles one way in 90-100+ weather is an accomplishment in itself, I know I could have done better before my body began to fail. So while I may have done better then some would think, I still see this as a failure. I wish I would have been able to push myself further, but at least now I know my limits. Limits that I am anything but grateful for, but at least it is not to the point where I am no longer able to walk at all (aided or otherwise).

In the end, the key to this post is simple. If you decide to challenge yourself, talk it through with someone who knows you well and cares for you before you do it, as there is a good chance you are simply being a moron and will end up hurting yourself. I am a good testament to this, I am back in my cool home only thanks to a friend, had I had one of my seizures (oh yes, I have those too) on my way it could have been much worse. Pushing your limits is good, as long as you aren't an idiot about it like I was. Now I'm going to relax my blistered feet with a bit of cherry vodka to relax away the day. Oh and for the American readers, enjoy your 4th of July, I plan to make random explosions that have no connection to the Revolutionary War as well later tonight (what can I say, explosions = fun).

A question for Catholics

I was just reading a post over at the blog Pharyngula about the Catholic ceremony of the Eucharist when a question popped into my head that I can not quite resolve. If a Catholic who whole heartedly believes in the processes of transubstantiation (the communion wafer and wine actually turning into the body and blood of Christ (not to be confused with consubstantiation, where only the 'essence' becomes Jesus bits)) happens to be a vegetarian? Granted this question is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but it does make you wonder. If the person truly believed what they are eating has become the flesh and blood of their deity and the person is disgusted at the thought of consuming flesh (granted not all vegetarians are disgusted at the thought, but it sounds better here), then how would this work? I would imagine a true believer would make an exception but the thought has to be there in the back of the mind somewhere.

No, I'm not dead yet...

Yes, despite the hiatus, I am still somewhat alive. Classes have once again started up so I shall hopefully have a bit more inspiration to write instead of staring at a blank page with an equally blank mind.

This semester I am going to try a few thing that will hopefully keep me at the whole writing thing a bit easier. One thing shall hopefully become a weekly event. As I've stated before, nearly all of my friends are Christian and as a result I have found myself spending time at the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministries) building. One thing I found interesting was to go to their weekly bible studies as it gave me a chance to ask my friends questions around topics they would bring up. Granted, nearly ever answer dwindles down to one word, faith. But I do find it interesting to see how their minds can try and rationalize some of their beliefs. What I hope to do is after every session, write about it, what it revolved around, what my stance on the belief is and the stance of those also attending.

Another possibility will come from my zoology class. Due to this regions conservative nature, I will be looking forward to my other class mates reaction to evolution during the class. I am hoping that the reactions will generally be positive, but I am a bit of a cynic, so we shall see.

The final possibility will be mostly a random rant time for me based on the upcoming college musical and my work in it (and subsequent lack of sleep).

Hopefully this shall lead to more posts in the near future.

Why Not to Wait for Marriage

I have heard many times that one should save oneself for marriage. That keeping your virginity for your spouse is a great gift (this is more often aimed at women, however I will not go into that now as this is a post about general sex and not double standards and misogyny). But I see this as a very unhealthy attitude to hold, both physically and emotionally.

Say you have found the man/woman that you want to marry. You both abstain from sex until after your wedding. Finally the big night comes, but instead of being a wonderful experience, all you can think about is how horrible and disappointing the experience was. This sadly happens more often then we are led to believe. Sex is a great emotional outlet and source of bonding, while bad sex can have the opposite effect. One or both (I am assuming monogamy for this post as most developed countries do not allow polygamy) of the partners will be left feeling unfulfilled sexually which leads to sexual frustration, possible resentment towards their partner (or anger at yourself if you believe it is your fault), both partners will not get the emotional connection sex grants a couple, and they will not have sex as a bonding agent after misunderstandings and arguments.

This leads to a higher divorce rate, a divorce that could have been avoided had the couple simply had sex before the got married. Many of those that do not divorce (usually for religious reasons, the same causative agent of the chastity) are left will a less then satisfactory marriage that leaves them craving emotional closeness.

Some will argue that two people will get better at sex over time and many people do, but that does not address the key issue here. Even if there is an improvement in performance, the two individuals sexual tastes or libido can still be utterly different. These do not change. A person can force themselves to do something they do not truly enjoy for their partners sake, but this leaves both unfulfilled (the one who is forcing themselves for obvious reasons and the partner who wants the encounter as a forced situation is invariably worse or less convincing then honest enjoyment). A person who enjoys a lot of kink during sex will not feel satisfied being monogamous with someone who only enjoys vanilla sex and vice versa.

As long as one practices safe sex, the risks of premarital (or extramarital sex if both married partners are consenting) will be outweighed by the benefits. Both individuals will have most likely gotten over the awkwardness of sexual encounters due to inexperience. Their sexual aptitude will also increase dramatically as by the time these individuals get married they will have begun to understand each others likes and dislikes.

Aside from the emotional reasons not to wait for marriage there is also a physical reason. A person who has sex regularly (in the referred study regularly was only once a week, greater frequency will have better effects) are less likely to get sick, they get over illness quicker and have a stronger memory and critical thinking skills (due to stress relief and greater amounts of neurotransmitters). Another recent study found that individuals who were still virgins after the age of 21 had more health issues then those who have had sex at least once, reinforcing the previous study.

No matter your gender, waiting for marriage to have sex is ill advised. Of course many of the emotional benefits only pertain to sex with an individual you have strong feelings for. Females need not wait out of fear of being considered a whore and males not need wait thinking abstaining somehow shows more respect to their partner (this is another form of misogyny that I will try to get to at a later date). In this post I have mostly used heterosexual monogamous couples as examples, however the concepts will equally apply to those who are homosexual, bisexual or polygamous. Also as to not give the wrong impression, I am not advising having sex before one is ready for it, that is always a must. Just my reasoning against abstaining until marriage.

Crazy and Me

I realize I am somewhat unstable. I am not joking about this, nor am I saying this because it is now trendy. I am sometimes utterly nuts (ok, maybe more then sometimes). Nearly everyone who knows me is unaware of this though, I have gotten damn good at hiding it. While those who have seen some of the worst are still unaware of how much it still affects me.

The diagnosis I have received in the past is major depression and dysthymic disorder (a near constant state of 'mild' depression). Together these are often referred to as double depression for breviaries sake. While such diagnoses are useful in a clinical setting for treatment, outside of them, they don't mean much of anything. They do not take into account the psychological effects of having a chronic illness, the temporary insanity brought upon by reliving past memories or the occasional utter highs when the chemicals in my brain just go nuts.

One hour I may be fine, then next too depressed to get out of bed, the next a feeling of utter joy (think of an individual with bi-polar going through a severe depressive and then a manic phase in a matter of hours). But despite these occasional massive swings in mood, I tend to keep a perfectly composed facade up for the world to see. A few may see through, but most know me as a calm, composed individual who seems to be able to see through others issues to get at a heart of the problem. My own 'insanity' has allowed me a very personal view into the problems of others to aid them in ways a 'sane' individual would not be able to.

So if I have gotten so good at hiding my neuroses, why am I writing this now? Why would I share this with random individuals? I am writing this because when people hear the phrase 'mental illness' they run scared. The person with real issues beyond their control is often left alone when they need those around them the most. I am writing this to show that, while I may be completely off my rocker, this does not change that I am an individual. I cannot help my mood swings, my anxiety attacks, or my occasional psychotic moments, but I try. I did not ask for this, nor did those you may know who also have issues.

They might not always ask for help, they may even avoid sharing as they might be afraid at how you will react. But they do want you there, they want to feel that they are at least somewhat 'normal'. Because we are normal in most every way, by shunning those with a mental dysfunction, you will only lead to more issues.

Besides, our unpredictability keeps us from getting boring. If you are reading this and you have been made to feel less because of an issue, don't. Every one has their problems, paraphrasing Christopher Titus, it is the dysfunctional ones in the world who the normal turn to when the world goes to hell. While I am not saying mental illness is a positive thing, it is not entirely negative. Just like anything else, it can sometimes be crafted by the individual to gain certain benefits, not always, but in many cases. Do not be ashamed, do get the help you need, but do not feel like you are less. Also remember that asking for help is not a weakness, letting yourself deteriorate is.

The Bliss of Music

One of the greatest loves in my life is music. It is something I get lost in for hours at a time. Be it live or simply sitting at home, it is something I enjoy more then I can aptly describe. When I actively listen to music I enjoy, I loose all sense of time and place. Some would call this an escape, but it is much more then that, for an escape is just somewhere to be, not something you live.

Music opens up channels of emotion that flow uncontrollably, yet never uncomfortably. I may be left in pure awe, be left exhausted from the extended adrenaline release, be left with a powerful rage, left with tears streaming down my face, or simply left in a state of pure contentment.

As I listen, I often finding myself closing my eyes and visualizing the music itself. Not those creating it, but whole worlds created and controlled by the sounds. Each piece offers a new landscape to explore. If I was an artist, I would be more able to describe these fantastical locales. The best I can hope for in describing this experience is for you to imagine if sound and emotion could be given life, an environment shaped by each note and feeling.

Before long I discover I have lost myself entirely amongst the sounds. It does not matter what is occurring around me as such things loose all importance. I find my entire body moving with the stream of auditory bliss. Everything that once weighed me down falls completely away, I find myself free.

Music becomes the closest thing possible to the Platonic archetypes. Not the lofty, unattainable ideals the ancient philosophers held, but real concepts that we, with our imperfect minds, can fully comprehend.

Eccentricity

I am eccentric (such a shocking revelation, isn’t it?). I do not hide my eccentricities from anyone. For those who meet me, this is one of the first things they realize about me. I wear unusual kinds of clothing (I don’t think there is women’s and men’s clothing exclusively, either can wear both), I read books on complex subjects for fun, I like to debate anything and everything (friendly debating of course), I like wearing some makeup, I like having my nails long and painted (many a girl has been envious of my nails), I am so open that I will answer any question no matter how personal and have no problem asking others such questions as well, I love all animals to the point where I will go out of my way to move one to a safer location (if I see

a spider at the college, I will be sure to pick it up and release it outside so it does not get harmed), while I cannot recreate it I am a music whore, I am a science geek (those who know me seek me out when they have a questions of this sort instead of looking it up), I am a theatre hang-around, I am a tech geek, I have an odd sense of humor and can usually find a way to joke or laugh at anything and I am ‘different’ in many other ways.

So what is the point of saying that I am eccentric when it is plain to see for most? The point comes from when I was shopping with a friend of mine. She revealed that she wanted to dress more eclectically (specifically she loved the style from the mid-80’s), but for a couple reasons, she couldn’t. The first
was money, which is understandable, this is a problem I myself have had on many occasions (this is the main reason I started to design and make my own clothing) so I gave her a few tips on finding unusual clothing cheaply. The second reason is she was slightly worried about how it would affect other’s reaction to her. This saddened me, as it is a legitimate concern.

When I was younger, I wanted to dress differently, but I was afraid to. I was afraid of how my family would
react and how my classmates would react as well. I was already one of, if not the least popular person in my class, so its consequences would be quite unpleasant. Eventually I slowly started to change my style and
I discovered it had a strange effect on me. It seemed that the more I experimented with my style, the more confident I became. The more confident, the more others respected me. Since then, I have gained more
respect from others then ever before. I believe this is more a reflection of my attitude and not my style, as others who dress different and do not have a similar attitude do not receive the same
respect. But my style is what allowed me to develop my confidence in the first place.

My friend has the right attitude (she is very bubbly and friendly, I really do love spending time with her), as such, I believe she would not be treated differently after she started dressing how she wants. It is just the conversion time that she may find hard. When you start to change your style in any way (be it dress,
musical taste, how outgoing you are, college major, etc.), people begin to ask all kinds of questions and sometimes even ostracize. Society often believes that a personal change means there is something wrong
with said person. It is rare for society to consider that it is just a person changing as they tend to do.

I am considering trying to see if I can find some clothing laying around somewhere that fits her
style just to give her so that she may begin to dress as she wants. If you know anyone who is in a similar situation, do the same. If you come across something that you know they will love, but that they are afraid
to go out and get for themselves, buy it for them. You don’t have to do it as a birthday or similar day gift, just as a whenever gift. This will mean so much to them. It will show that not only are you a good
friend, but that you truly know them. For those who are going through a transition (or wants to), many feel that others do not know them at all, to find that someone does and who supports them, it will mean more
to them than you can imagine.

Be eccentric if you are, do not hide it, be damn proud that you are one step away from crazy. There are
people around you who will envy you for it. These are the people that you and you alone can help feel better about themselves. A more ‘normal’ individual will not understand enough to do anything about it,
they might even tell them that it is ‘foolish’ and dissuade them from doing what they truly want. Take these people under your proverbial wing, you will gain a very close friend and they will gain confidence.

And So It Begins...

So after much prodding I have finally decided to try this whole blogging thing. I would like to introduce myself, I am Cyc. This was a nickname given to me that is short for encyclopedia, as my friends soon learned that they did not need Google when I was around.

I would like to welcome all to The Rantings of a Gothic Atheist. Why choose this name you might ask (or maybe you might not, but that wouldn’t matter as I’m going to tell you either way). I personally see no evidence for any higher power, as such I see no other logical conclusion then the null hypothesis. Don’t worry, I’m not about to kick any puppies or eat any babies (as I’m a vegetarian this would be out of the question anyway, unless you have some sort of freaky tofu baby and in that case I may just have to make an exception). The gothic part comes in as to my rather, shall we say…eccentric mode of dress. This has led to many people knowing who I am and my being left in a state of confusion as to how they know me (thankfully it seems to mostly be in a good way).

You may have already picked up on my love of parenthetical asides (they are ever so much fun). I shall also warn you about my rather odd habit of speaking in third person. No, Chris has not gone insane (for the most part), he is just a touch eccentric (I much prefer eccentric to crazy).

I have a passion for the sciences that some may say borders on obsession. Through the lens of science I have seen a universe that is more beautiful then my mind could ever hope to fully comprehend. This love of the workings of the universe has driven me to learn all I can about it. It has also pushed me to attempt to grant those around me a glimpse of reality as I see it.

I hope to use this blog as a way to display this passion for others to see. I plan to primarily write about atheism, the sciences and anything else that might have grabbed my interest at the moment. I am open to any helpful criticism that anyone wishes to offer, but please be respectful. If not to me then at least to the other posters.

So sit back and (hopefully) enjoy my various rantings and ravings.