Friday, February 25, 2011

NASA kills God.

Finally, after over half a century of work, NASA has completed its primary mission to locate and assassinate God. Founded in 1958 by President Dwight D. Eisenhower, NASA was given the mighty task of eliminating the greatest threat humanity has ever faced, God.

NASA Director Charles Bolden had this to say about this momentous occasion:

"I am ecstatic to tell you all today that we have beheld the awesome visage of the supreme architect of the cosmos, and we have murdered Him, there have been innumerable setbacks, missteps, and hardships over the past 50 years, but we always stayed true to our ultimate goal and we never gave up."

"We finally got the son of a bitch! He's dead! God is dead!"

After being lured to the moon and after a long chase over the Lunar terrain which eventually led to the injuring of two astronauts (who are expected to recover), God was subdued by the victorious team of seven. Captain Trevor Sullivan, the leader of the mission to capture God was given the supreme honor of dealing the death blow from within the lunar module. Despite God's legendary power and immortality, it only took one well placed bullet to bring the deity down for good. Afterward Captain Trevor Sullivan had this to say:

"He was damn fast. And strong—as strong as anyone I've ever engaged, He fought like a wild animal, and the fact that He's omnipotent really worked against us. But we know a few tricks ourselves, and after all was said and done, we took Him down for good.

Gotta give Him credit, though, God was defiant right up until the end. Scrappy bastard spit right in my face just before I pulled the trigger."

It is hoped that now that humanities prime natural enemy has been disposed of, our species will be able to flourish in an unrestricted manner, a way we never have been allowed to do so before.

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Anonymous said...

Good riddance to the old geezer. It really creeped me out, the way he'd hover over the bed while my husband and I had sex. Ugh. Now we can finally have some privacy.

Cyc said...

Nothing like having an old creepy voyeur watching over your every action to get you in the mood...