Sunday, April 1, 2012

An encounter with god botherers

On Saturday, I was relaxing at home and there was a knock at the door.  This already irritated me as I had a long night at work.  I hadn't slept for a while and I just wanted to relax.  So after running to get a shirt, I opened the door and I immediately knew the fate that was in store for me.  There were two people standing there smiling and holding pamphlets.  There was only one possibility, god botherers...

I wanted to be polite so I resisted the immediate urge to say "I don't feel like playing make believe today" followed by closing the door and going back to my computer.  Instead, I listened to what they might have to say.  After all, it might prove fun to turn the tables on them in the process.

They started out by asking me how I was that day and I responded that I was fine, hiding my annoyance.  I asked the same in turn and they said they were well and then asked if I wanted to attend their church.  I knew this was coming and I responded with a no, thank you.  They further asked if I went to church, perhaps thinking that I was content with the one I went to (I do live in Oklahoma after all, where there is one on nearly every corner).  I replied that I did not go to one.  I did not directly say that I thought the idea was foolish as I did not think it was necessary.

One of them, who was obviously the younger and more enthusiastic of the two, asked me if I knew what happened to me when I died.  I said that yes, I did have a good idea of what happened.  I went on to elaborate by saying that as my neurons would begin to die and the synapses of my brain broke down, the being that was me would fade away.  Then, the atoms that composed my body would be dispersed back into the environment.

The younger and more talkative of the two asked "What about God? What about heaven and hell?"  I said that I saw no evidence or need for a deity and that the idea of hell was absurd if one believed in anything close to an omnipotent, omnibenevolent god.  But instead of hearing a well informed reply I was treated to a line that would kill a little more of my hope for the American education system.

The older and, at this point, visibly agitated one, asked me this: "What do you believe in then, the Big Bang?  Not even Darwin believed in that."

I was stunned.  If I was a less polite person I might have told them that I didn't have time for that kind of stupid and would have shut the door.  But instead I pointed out the tiny detail that the theory of the Big Bang didn't even exist till well after Charles Darwin's death and that there was no way for him to even know about it.

Unfazed, the now previously irritated and now slightly hostile one barked back that they weren't there to debate this.  I found this more than a little dishonest as that was clearly what they were there to do and I called them out on it.  I said that they were going door to door to try and make the argument that their particular god was the correct one and that others should believe in it.

They then said that they were leaving and I, despite myself, apologized if I had come across as rude.  I knew I hadn't despite being irritated by the whole ordeal, yet I defaulted to what is the 'proper' response in my society.  I did what equated to apologizing for not believing in a magic man in the sky and preferring little things like evidence and facts.  Afterwards I realized just how absurd this was and I felt a bit bad for it.  I shouldn't have to apologize to such door to door sales persons trying to con me into buying their pathetic excuse for  knowledge.

I didn't take one of their pamphlets as I thought that they had spent their money on it and I would just throw it away anyway, so what was the point.  It would end up in a landfill anyway, but I would rather it not be by my hand.  I somewhat regret this as I've often found that such pamphlets are a wealth of unintentional comedy.  Poor graphical design and laughable arguments are par for the course in such material.

I later wondered if I had invited them inside and let them go on a bit more while putting forth my own questions, or even asking them if they would be willing to talk about alternatives, if I might have done more good.  But, in retrospect, I doubt this.  In a different setting it might have worked, but not this one, both for those involved and my own mood and tiredness.  These were not well educated individuals but lackeys for their church.  They didn't understand the reasoning or concepts, just that they were taught that it was right.

I imagine they will remember the event as involving an angry atheist who hates god, but this doesn't bother me.  I know they are wrong and would only be seeking to fit the mornings events into their established world views.  Though I wish this wasn't the standard response, it is one that could not be helped.  If nothing else, maybe it will plant a little doubt into one of them.  Sadly though, it will most likely do nothing one way or the other.
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Infidel753 said...

You live in Oklahoma??? Why on Earth would you do a thing like that?:-)

I would personally never feel any obligation to be polite to such people, unless they seemed potentially violent. They're the ones intruding on your time and personal space. I don't go around knocking on the doors of total strangers and trying to recruit them into my own personal obsessions.

I actually have a "Do not disturb" sign on my door. It's quite effective. I haven't had a single visit from a religious nut, political pest, or peddler since I put it up.


Robert the Skeptic said...

Found your blog linked from "Infidel753". I blogged about a similar encounter I had; I now engage these people rather than shut the door... like to do a little PR for Atheism and come across as a nice guy.

I have since created my own pamphlet which I now hand out to door-to-door missionaries, telling them I will read their material if they will read mine. There is no copyright; You are free to copy or adapt my pamphlet as you wish.

Ahab said...

I think it would be fun to keep a paperback copy of "The Satanic Bible" by the door, so you can hand it to proselytizers when they ask what church you attend.

In all seriousness, though, if I don't recognize the person I see in the peephole, I don't open the door. It has spared me much grief with proselytizers.

Cyc said...


Yes, unfortunately I do and it makes me sad on a daily basis. I look forward to the day when I can rejoin civilized society.

Thanks for the link, that was immensely entertaining.


Thank you for stopping by. I like your idea, I've actually considered doing it myself, but never actually acted on the idea, I may have to consider using yours.


That would make for an interesting story if nothing else.