Conservapedia: where rational thought, skeptical inquiry and general sentience goes to die. The land of tinfoil hats, martyrdom envy, and where batshit insanity is the preferred standard.
Come and prostrate yourself on one of our many crosses for your amusement, now in children's sizes! Do you find thinking for yourself or forming rational coherent sentences far too difficult for your underdeveloped and religion addled brain? Then stop by one of our many retailers for pre-packaged life choices and modes of thinking, one size fits all!
Afraid of life's many mysteries and complex questions? With our new and improved 'godidit' super-deluxe package, all your fears and concerns can be assuaged in single motion. Never have to think or say anything again!
Now open: Kids Corner! Where you can drop off your annoying children with their ever present questions so that you may continue your mindless and loveless existence free of the possibility of taking responsibility for anything! Here your precious spawn will have every last bit of curiosity and creativity wiped and replaced with mindless genuflections, pre-programmed responses, and a deep seated terror of everything good in the world, just like you! Act now and get a free 'if it feels good, you will burn in hell forever' kids coloring and activity book!
So next time you have one of those horrible things known as independent thought creep up in your mind, stop by and have people tell you exactly what you want to hear so that you can, once again, go back to your mindless existence as God's good little sheep. Remember only God loves you...unless you screw up then you will burn forever! Have a pleasant day.